Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Movie Review (Not by Creepy Jeff)

We’re trying something new – a movie review that isn’t by Jeff, and therefore isn’t a borderline invasion of privacy! Or really creepy!

Mad spoilers below.

Summary: eh, it’s okay. If you want to pretend that Abraham Lincoln was a vampire hunter then yeah, why wouldn’t you see this movie? He cuts through a tree with one chop, and that happens really early in the movie.

Other than that, it’s an alright action flick. It definitely helps that I know the character (famous dead president), and I really loved that one of the guys who played a MacPoyle brother onIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is in it.

The plot is so-so. Vampires need hunting. They killed Lincoln’s mom. The story sorts itself out from there, in pretty much the way you might expect.

More constipation than you’d imagine, though. (Source)

The training Lincoln gets consists mostly of ax-kata. He spins his ax around a bunch. What I’m saying is, I wouldn’t mind a sequel (or, as they are called these days, a squeakquel).

There are some unnecessary parts. The blond vampire lady seemed to exist just so there could be the sexy vampire lady stereotype (is that a stereotype? I feel like it is). Her death is stupid, too. “Oh, I’ll just run directly at this person with a rifle. This will clearly result in ultimate victory for me, and then I can – oops no haha I got shot in the brain.”

The final showdown takes place on a moving train at night. Much of the fight takes place on top of the train. So, yeah, I really liked this movie.

One last thing I would have added – Lincoln trains his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, to also be a vampire hunter. Then they train all their children to be vampire hunters. They all use ax-kata. One million Golden Globes, please!

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About seansynthetic

"...so I says the the guy, I says to him, 'No, YOU ain't allowed back into this Chuck-E-Cheese.'"

Posted on June 27, 2012, in Movie Review and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. This review was good. It could have used more about some person’s social network profile and how that influenced your opinion about the movie, but since you actually saw the movie I guess that wouldn’t have helped much.

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